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Vanessa
there'll be no white flags; i'll always be in love.


Wednesday, December 30, 2009, 1:04 AM

i dont know. i used to be certain, i'm not anymore.

some fucker bitched about me to my boyf behind my back, and he had the decency to pretend to be my friend infront of me. you should just FUCK OFF AND BURN IN HELL OKAY. fuck. i am so fucking pissed. what's worse is that my boyf refused to tell me who. the consequence: we'll never be the same anymore. you want to protect your friend so be it. i do not need you to fend for me, i can do so myself. by not lettin me know wtf that fucker is, you're not being fair to me. i will not be able to face your friends and pretend i'm cool with them. not when i do not know who exactly bitched about me. it is not fair to let me be out in the open whilst that fucker is protected by you. it's so not fucking fair.

i am so fucking bitter. i don't know if i should hold on. i don't know if you're still worth doing so for.

i have given in so much, so much that i've never tried doing so in my entire life, till i met you. you have never stood from my perspective. you have never spared a thought for my feelings. you have made me cry more than i thought i would be capable of. i didn't know anyone could cry so much. till i met you.

you were supposed to be my dream come true.

but somewhere we went wrong.

we were once so strong, but not anymore.

i once told myself that if you start questioning yrself when you should give in, you already have the answer. i know it, yet i'm still holding on. what for, i have no idea.

it's just so painful being with you.

i don't know if i'm still capable of holding on for you. i don't know hw much longer i'll be able to do so.

i've tried my best, i'm seriously exhausted.

i love my boyf alot. but he's ever so full of his principles, so fucking egoistic. he wants the best of both worlds - his friends and me. he doesn't give in to me. it's always about him. it's never about me. and it doesn't seem to pain him whenever i cry. and that hurts quite a bit.

i don't know. i don't know who to turn to. maybe i just don't wish to turn to anyone. i just need to let it out. i'm feeling so god damn bitter. so fucking bitter.

maybe it's time to let go.