i spent two hours tossing and turning in bed. wishin that he would text and pamper me. i guess i dont know him as well as i thought, and that im not as impt to him as i thought. because the phone didn't ring. exasperated, i texted him. 'for 2hours. and you're not bothered at all'. what he replied made me cry. and i deleted all the texts which i dearly kept, texts which i refused to delete even if there's only space for one new text left. i hesitated, then i wanted to slap myself for hesitating. and the texts are all gone now. for good.

it hurts damn bad for me to do that. it has never occured to me to delete all his texts no matter how mad i get. but this time its different. it hurts so bad when he doesnt remember things that he used to say to me when he was courting me. and it makes me wonder just how much he actually meant those things he said. because you never stood from my perspective and understand for yrself how much yr actions actually hurt. because its always about you, you, you, about how busy you are, about how you love me, willing to make time for me despite yr busy sched. but have you ever asked if that's what i want?

im crying so hard that my eyes hurt so bad and i really can't think anymore.